avoidI feel so crappy.
I avoided a good friend ALL day. [Kristen].. And only showed myself when one of my good friends convinced me too. And I wasn't even going to ask anyone. I was going to avoid her for 2 more days.
See, I only talk to her on Yahoo. I wonder if she even missed me.. When I got on. She instantly started
talking to me. But thats not the same. I have a feeling its better if I stay away. She always makes me so sad.
And all I want is for her to smile. She doesn't believe me. Maybe I should of even told her. You ever have that feeling that your crumbling into pieces? Yeah, I have that feelings right now. And all I ever do is make her unhappy. What can I do? What can I say? When I talk to her. Its like Swollowing a bomb. My emotions explode EVERYWHERE. I can't control it anymore. And it sucks. I fear being around her. So I constantly ask her if she'd like me to leave her alone. Even when I'm in control of my emotions. But then she wants me around. She claims I strike fear into her very soul. If that were 100% true. Would she still want to talk to me?
Yesterday, I opened up alittle with her. Told her about my siblings status basicly. That I have a dead older half brother. [ Died at birth. ] 4 Step siblings. 1 real sister that lives with me. And my youngest real sister was given away at birth. Anyways after I finshed telling her.. Since I know she told me once she didn't care about me or anything. I added, " Not that you care.. " And she took it the wrong way and was like, " Sorry, I don't know how to respond to your past and stuff. " And she obviously wasn't understanding what was going on. I even tried to explain. That I ment cared for me. >_> She told me earlier that day that I didn't care about her. And I proved that I did. I told her, " Yeah, if I didn't care would I check your blog every 10 mintues? " And shes all like, " You read my blog?! "
She still doesn't understand. No one completely does. Because I wouldn't explain it. I was crying because I felt so sad..
I bet she didn't even miss me when I avoided her.. >_>
Whatever, Night.
